||[Dec. 10th, 2003|03:56 pm]
Today's CCHOD is dedicated to all of you nerds out there, which is all of you. Just as a little preface to today's headline, I would like you to know, now that you are adults, that when your parents told you that people only tease you to make themselves feel better because they have low self-esteem, they were lying. This is what parents tell losers. In reality people make fun of you because you are a miserable failure at life. No one likes you.|
"Student Finds Largest Known Prime Number"
(taken from the New York Times)
A more appropriate wording of this headline would be "Something Happens That No One Cares About." The number here referred to is 2 to the 20,996,011th power minus 1. I especially like the "minus 1" part. That's what makes this event meaningful to the guy who discovered the number, and his mom, who thinks everything her boy does is just really, really special.
From the article: "As for [the biggest nerd ever]'s own standing in the world of mathematics, 'I don't think I'm going to be recognized as I go down the street or anything like that.'"
Wow, somebody call the Theater of the Obvious. I don't think this guy will even need to audition.
The truly tragic aspect of this nerd's already morbid existence is that he didn't discover anything. He simply connected to a network developed by real scientists and allowed his computer to be used in conjunction with 19,999 other computers to search for the number. It's like if someone got credit for running that flying toasters screensaver on their computer.
In closing, I would like to offer one last rewriting of today's headline:
"Student Finds Himself Alone All the Time."